"Learning to Prey" - a Nelson / Double Decher Productions

[Deepfocus88]

Originally Posted by Edgen

Opening shot....

Everyone's saying it, I gotta say it too. The opening shot was so pro. I really like the score as well.

[jasonthewho]

Definitely your best work Shawn. I really enjoyed this one. Very clean, very professional, the story is well told.

I thought all of your actors were fine, with a little bit better dialogue and direction they would have been great.

I couldn't help but think of RPDM with that opening shot. Regardless, it was perfectly executed. I also worry that while the opening moment may be a turn on for the typical DVXuser, it may be a turn off for your wider viewing audience, which would seem to be teenage girls. I think if it didn't last quite so long (put a fast motion section between the lick and the lime), I would be okay with it.

Big strides here, in my opinion. One of my favorites so far.

[Geoff_R]

Totally unexpected It's just very different from the prior work I've seen from you. I think the opening shot is fun and interesting in a sense of opening up the world and setting the story tone. But once the girls start talking, it takes me out of it and a lot of it is due to the sound mix here... I think the music should have stayed loud and then the girls should have been talking very loud/almost yelling out to make their voices heard... I have this issue with lots of hollywood films too... where it suddenly gets too quiet and people are just talking in regular voices... it doesn't fit for me.

I thought the opening convo with the first two girls was fine... they came across as young college girls and played it convincingly IMO. The stuff with the guy though really threw me off (at first, it was just a personal thing). If I was at party with my gf or some girl I was seeing and some other random girl pushed me into the wall and tried to assert some dominance on me, she'd likely find herself on the ground and me with a WTF look on my face. I don't care how good she looks. On the flipside... I could maybe see why you went this direction with him being into it since his gf says, "not again"... so maybe the guy is a douche. But then their following conversation felt awkward to me... they just didn't feel like a real couple. Not sure if this was mostly read from a script or improv?

I love the fact that he goes off with the girl... it makes his character even worse (from a jerk perspective) and I'm anxiously awaiting his death I like the music here and the girl watching... but I didn't feel much for those high up shots looking down on the girl as blood pours from her mouth (that's totally subjective taste right there though).

I think at the very end, you had a funny opportunity to show what kind of guy the new girl would be approaching. I'd almost like to have seen a cut away to the guys face... it could have been funny (a goofy looking guy) or just another jerk-off type with a smug smile.

Overall, like the concept and how it plays out clean. There aren't any loose ends to tie up and it feels complete. Music is good and fits the theme/story well. And while this is definitely something different and new from you... I personally prefer your prior work, like Aetas and the one you did with the kid finding the box in the field (forgive me for forgetting the name right now). Only because those films were much more visual and forced me to discover your story as a filmmaker myself. Hope that makes sense. Just my personal taste on that one. Thanks for sharing and looking forward to the next one.

[bruceallen]

SPOILER ALERT

& NEWBIE LONG VERBOSE POST ALERT

Shawn

Sweet film! Here are my notes. I'm being tough because you mentioned you want to take it further to other festivals etc. So I'm focusing mostly on what I'd fix if I went that route... no time for compliments ;)

Great job on that opening shot! It was absolutely stunning. Time flowed in a really liquid, nice way around the performances and music. Lots of great touches in the production design and mise-en-scene. Oh happy drunken / E-drenched party days with dark undertones and sexual conflict! Great start!

It bugged me that the rest of the film (especially the next CU of the girl's face at 1:33 "and give up on your first time?") had less color / contrast in it than she did during the open. I think you should keep the hyper-saturated look if that's what you set up in the beginning.

The acting in the outdoor scene is bad and IMHO you probably can't save it in the edit. Rehearse the scene properly and re-shoot for sure! The film's worth it! Maybe shoot a little later in the day too - the sunlight was a little incongruous.

The guy also has a really funny way of walking into the room (in the first shot we see him). You really should re-shoot that too if you can.

The story was predictable but lots of fun. Personally the end would have been more of a payoff for me if either:

OPTION A: there was more psychological complexity to the trainee's response. The stuff of her watching from the closet was cool - but it seemed like you were trying to trick us that the girls weren't vampires? By that point everyone knows they're vampires, so I say go ahead and show that earlier - or at least give us more of a wink towards it. Now explore the conflicted emotions of the girl seeing this kill for the first time and realizing she has to do it too. Maybe get her out of the closet a little earlier? Do they share his blood or not? The more experienced girl pushes her to drink the blood of the guy and she's unsure at first then realizes she likes it? Or there is a territorial thing in that the neophyte wants to drink the guy's blood but the other girl is like "get your own".

OPTION B: Pay off the sexy opening shot at the end - but give us even more than we expected. If you show a super-hot shot in the beginning don't be prudish at the end. Or the audience will feel like you teased us and never delivered the full thing ;) I'd personally vote for a combination of the following:
- at least one girl has sex with the guy (not sure whether he should be dead or alive at that point)
- the two girls make out
- orgasm
- orgiastic screaming
- semi-nudity at least (covering in blood optional)

OPTION C: blood as a drug. The girls as addicts. But based on the rest of the film, I don't think that's your focus?

Then after that have your current ending - with the girl from the next victim's POV asking if he wanted to go somewhere quiet. Bwahaha!

But I'm Euro that way ;)

You can go for option A of course but I really would like more insight into the complexities of the girl's feelings. Is she scared? Does she get off on it? Does it make her hungry? Probably all 3, right? The obvious parallels to having sex for the first time are there, but I'd like to see you explore it more. If that's your theme (plus loss of innocence, plus the vampiric callousness of teen sexual interactions), I'd love to see more on what you personally have to say on this. Put more Shawn into it please!

Anyway, congrats! Look forward to seeing a festival version!

Bruce Allen
www.boacinema.com

[Blaine]

This is the best story you've put together. I thought the look was nice. I like what you did with the grading. My beef were more with the casting and acting on this one. Ms. Geil did a good job as did Teresa. I just didn't think that casting Chase opposite either of them was a good idea. He came off too young for either one. He may very well be in their age bracket but his demeanor and looks said otherwise.

I'm not sure why you had the argument scene in there since it had no payoff...it felt like a device and tacked on.

Of all your entries, this is my favorite. It is by far the most accessible.

Good job.

[ZazaCast]

Nice work on this film! I've always been a fan of your films, but this one worked best for me. As always, the look was spot on. You have a great eye for composition. The opening of this film had me hooked right from the first downbeat. A nice slomo body shot never hurt anyone! The speed ramps made me feel like I was right there pushing through the crowd.

The only thing that hit me a little funny, was the girl's facial expression as she watched through the door. I would think that being a Vamp and seeing & smelling fresh blood, she would have been getting 'Hot', breathing heavy with a crazy, lustfull look in her eyes...you know a ,"I want to get me some of that!" kind of thing.

Well done. This is a great film.

... and I can pronounce the title too!

[Robbie Comeau]

I saw it coming as soon as they entered the room. Probably cause of the theme, and the line "You don't want to have your first time" or whatever.

Who mixed that song?! So sick.

Nice intro, and nice filming. Acting was weak.

Robbie

[Shawn Philip Nelson]

Originally Posted by Deepfocus88

Everyone's saying it, I gotta say it too. The opening shot was so pro. I really like the score as well.

Thanks! I actually put a lot of effort into choregraphing that opening act, I didnt just get two girls and tell them to go at it :-). Alex and Herman did an awesome job on the music!

Originally Posted by jasonthewho

Definitely your best work Shawn. I really enjoyed this one. Very clean, very professional, the story is well told.

I thought all of your actors were fine, with a little bit better dialogue and direction they would have been great.

I couldn't help but think of RPDM with that opening shot. Regardless, it was perfectly executed. I also worry that while the opening moment may be a turn on for the typical DVXuser, it may be a turn off for your wider viewing audience, which would seem to be teenage girls. I think if it didn't last quite so long (put a fast motion section between the lick and the lime), I would be okay with it.

Big strides here, in my opinion. One of my favorites so far.

Hey, Mark doesnt own the rights to cranking and ramping :-). I'm not sure who my target audience is. On a feature this is critical, but here I can just do whatever. If I could do this again I'd probably nix or change the couple's article and crank up the bedroom scene, further putting it into the 'guy' demographic :-)

Originally Posted by Geoff_R

Totally unexpected It's just very different from the prior work I've seen from you. I think the opening shot is fun and interesting in a sense of opening up the world and setting the story tone. But once the girls start talking, it takes me out of it and a lot of it is due to the sound mix here... I think the music should have stayed loud and then the girls should have been talking very loud/almost yelling out to make their voices heard... I have this issue with lots of hollywood films too... where it suddenly gets too quiet and people are just talking in regular voices... it doesn't fit for me.

I thought the opening convo with the first two girls was fine... they came across as young college girls and played it convincingly IMO. The stuff with the guy though really threw me off (at first, it was just a personal thing). If I was at party with my gf or some girl I was seeing and some other random girl pushed me into the wall and tried to assert some dominance on me, she'd likely find herself on the ground and me with a WTF look on my face. I don't care how good she looks. On the flipside... I could maybe see why you went this direction with him being into it since his gf says, "not again"... so maybe the guy is a douche. But then their following conversation felt awkward to me... they just didn't feel like a real couple. Not sure if this was mostly read from a script or improv?

I love the fact that he goes off with the girl... it makes his character even worse (from a jerk perspective) and I'm anxiously awaiting his death I like the music here and the girl watching... but I didn't feel much for those high up shots looking down on the girl as blood pours from her mouth (that's totally subjective taste right there though).

I think at the very end, you had a funny opportunity to show what kind of guy the new girl would be approaching. I'd almost like to have seen a cut away to the guys face... it could have been funny (a goofy looking guy) or just another jerk-off type with a smug smile.

Overall, like the concept and how it plays out clean. There aren't any loose ends to tie up and it feels complete. Music is good and fits the theme/story well. And while this is definitely something different and new from you... I personally prefer your prior work, like Aetas and the one you did with the kid finding the box in the field (forgive me for forgetting the name right now). Only because those films were much more visual and forced me to discover your story as a filmmaker myself. Hope that makes sense. Just my personal taste on that one. Thanks for sharing and looking forward to the next one.

Hey Geoff, thanks dude! I really appreciate such a thorough review. I appreciate that you like Aetas and Ossian better, as that's ultimately more 'me', but it seems more people like this one better, go figure. It's a continual sore spot with me how poorly received Aetas and Ossian were, hence why I wont do another one like that on here, ever.

Comments on the audio are good, I'll talk more about that later.

On the male lead (Chase), I should have made his character more clear. I thought he did a good job and is getting an unfair wrap on here. I should have made him more aggressive, more douchey and shortened their argument and made it less on-the-nose. Or perhaps more. Anyways, I mixed ingredients on this one too much and should have been more consistent.

[Shawn Philip Nelson]

Originally Posted by bruceallen

SPOILER ALERT

& NEWBIE LONG VERBOSE POST ALERT

Shawn

Sweet film! Here are my notes. I'm being tough because you mentioned you want to take it further to other festivals etc. So I'm focusing mostly on what I'd fix if I went that route... no time for compliments ;)

Great job on that opening shot! It was absolutely stunning. Time flowed in a really liquid, nice way around the performances and music. Lots of great touches in the production design and mise-en-scene. Oh happy drunken / E-drenched party days with dark undertones and sexual conflict! Great start!

THanks! Great to see you over here, I enjoy your posts on Reduser. That shot took a lot of work but really paid off I thought.

Originally Posted by bruceallen

It bugged me that the rest of the film (especially the next CU of the girl's face at 1:33 "and give up on your first time?") had less color / contrast in it than she did during the open. I think you should keep the hyper-saturated look if that's what you set up in the beginning.

Agreed, contrast went down. (sigh) grading is one of my weaker points.

Originally Posted by bruceallen

The acting in the outdoor scene is bad and IMHO you probably can't save it in the edit. Rehearse the scene properly and re-shoot for sure! The film's worth it! Maybe shoot a little later in the day too - the sunlight was a little incongruous.

Outdoor scene? Huh? I'm confused, 100% of this takes place indoors and at night with zero natural light.

Originally Posted by bruceallen

The guy also has a really funny way of walking into the room (in the first shot we see him). You really should re-shoot that too if you can.

The story was predictable but lots of fun. Personally the end would have been more of a payoff for me if either:

OPTION A: there was more psychological complexity to the trainee's response. The stuff of her watching from the closet was cool - but it seemed like you were trying to trick us that the girls weren't vampires? By that point everyone knows they're vampires, so I say go ahead and show that earlier - or at least give us more of a wink towards it. Now explore the conflicted emotions of the girl seeing this kill for the first time and realizing she has to do it too. Maybe get her out of the closet a little earlier? Do they share his blood or not? The more experienced girl pushes her to drink the blood of the guy and she's unsure at first then realizes she likes it? Or there is a territorial thing in that the neophyte wants to drink the guy's blood but the other girl is like "get your own".

OPTION B: Pay off the sexy opening shot at the end - but give us even more than we expected. If you show a super-hot shot in the beginning don't be prudish at the end. Or the audience will feel like you teased us and never delivered the full thing ;) I'd personally vote for a combination of the following:
- at least one girl has sex with the guy (not sure whether he should be dead or alive at that point)
- the two girls make out
- orgasm
- orgiastic screaming
- semi-nudity at least (covering in blood optional)

OPTION C: blood as a drug. The girls as addicts. But based on the rest of the film, I don't think that's your focus?

Then after that have your current ending - with the girl from the next victim's POV asking if he wanted to go somewhere quiet. Bwahaha!

But I'm Euro that way ;)

You can go for option A of course but I really would like more insight into the complexities of the girl's feelings. Is she scared? Does she get off on it? Does it make her hungry? Probably all 3, right? The obvious parallels to having sex for the first time are there, but I'd like to see you explore it more. If that's your theme (plus loss of innocence, plus the vampiric callousness of teen sexual interactions), I'd love to see more on what you personally have to say on this. Put more Shawn into it please!

Anyway, congrats! Look forward to seeing a festival version!

Bruce Allen
www.boacinema.com

Thanks! I appreciate the brain storming. Unfortunately I cant reshoot anything, 3 of the 4 actors are now in LA. (Boo LA! You suck! Stop stealing my actors!!)

I should have gone more in the direction of Option B, I soft-peddaled the ending too much, the leads didnt want to go anywhere outside of low PG13 territory so I had to stop there. That can be a hard zone to dance in. Oh well, it's still a progression.

I think I screwed myself out of Option A by the title. It was my original intent to make the vampire thing a twist. Thanks the comments!

Originally Posted by Blaine

This is the best story you've put together. I thought the look was nice. I like what you did with the grading. My beef were more with the casting and acting on this one. Ms. Geil did a good job as did Teresa. I just didn't think that casting Chase opposite either of them was a good idea. He came off too young for either one. He may very well be in their age bracket but his demeanor and looks said otherwise.

I'm not sure why you had the argument scene in there since it had no payoff...it felt like a device and tacked on.

Of all your entries, this is my favorite. It is by far the most accessible.

Good job.

Thanks Blaine!! Chase is indeed in their age range. I agree with you in that visually, whenever I see girls of that age and then see their boyfriends I think 'eh, he looks WAY too young', visually it'd be more interesting to see Victoria with a guy who's about 23-28.

The argument scene was indeed tacked on to provide further demo reel footage. I should have cut it from the finished piece, i'm getting tons of comments to this regard.

Originally Posted by ZazaCast

Nice work on this film! I've always been a fan of your films, but this one worked best for me. As always, the look was spot on. You have a great eye for composition. The opening of this film had me hooked right from the first downbeat. A nice slomo body shot never hurt anyone! The speed ramps made me feel like I was right there pushing through the crowd.

The only thing that hit me a little funny, was the girl's facial expression as she watched through the door. I would think that being a Vamp and seeing & smelling fresh blood, she would have been getting 'Hot', breathing heavy with a crazy, lustfull look in her eyes...you know a ,"I want to get me some of that!" kind of thing.

Well done. This is a great film.

... and I can pronounce the title too!

Wow, thanks Zaza! I agree on the direction for Chantelle, she's upset at me for that scene, blaming her bad performance on my shi*ty direction :-) Fair enough, director is QB, its his fault if the football isnt caught.

As for the title, dont worry, it's a momentary lapse, my next film is called Descensus :-)

Originally Posted by Robbie Comeau

I saw it coming as soon as they entered the room. Probably cause of the theme, and the line "You don't want to have your first time" or whatever.

Who mixed that song?! So sick.

Nice intro, and nice filming. Acting was weak.

Robbie

[Kevin E. Curry]

Shawn-

Good piece! I enjoyed it. Some quick thoughts:

- Even though I knew where it was going (though specifically not vampire I figured Victoria was some kind of monster), that didn't ruin for me, in fact it kind of built the tension even more. I was anxious to find out what she was going to do to these guys.

- Victoria and Theresa were great (of course I am biased, having cast them before!) The "newbie" girl was OK, and like others the guy didn't do anything for me. I like your suggestion of making him more douchey, that would have helped. In fact, making him even more of an ass would have made the payoff of him getting his comeuppance for cheating on his girlfriend even better.

- Loved the look and feel, the combo of the music and lighting etc. was great. And, of course, great opening scene to drop the viewer right into the party.

- Others have mentioned, and you acknowledged, the audio issue. Felt like bad ADR at first.

- Looking at the story, I might have gotten to Victoria's big bite a little quicker, bought a few additional seconds, and then given us just a little more of the newbie making her move. I liked that stinger and just wanted a little more. Felt just a tad rushed. (Plus, you did have a little more time left).

- Finally, speaking of that big bite, I really liked both the blood spurt effect and Victoria's vamp teeth.